but i couldn't remember what i was thinking about when i woke up so i walked around back and forth up and down the hall looked out the windows for awhile and read a book, not mine, called i and jahrastafari while i drank tecates from the night before and smoked some of my cigarettes just kind of hanging around this gravel pit... and i'm there with her in ensenada and i'm here in echo park and i started to get very depressed when i couldn't find the dodger game on the radio - it's hard enough to even find a radio lately, try going to somebody's house and asking if you can borrow their radio... but basically soon anyways after two of the tecates i started to feel a little bit better in that sense that my guts didn't feel too nuts anymore and i was able to calm down a little bit and focus on the book, a different book, pynchon, har har - remember years ago trying to read gravity's rainbow as i slugged across england thinking i would like to feel some connection - but here i am, tired and bored and as boring as ever and i would at least like to be able to say i don't have a cellular phone but i do, i have one and thinking about it got me so bummed out that i remember what i had been thinking about when i woke up, i remembered, i was thinking about something i had been thinking about the night before - the night before i couldn't remember exactly everything about everywhere i was but i know i had listened to the dodgers and they had lost, the bums, after a solid four inning lead and it was still a really great night in the sense that the air was really nice and warm and it was sometime in the early part of the week and i was in somebody's passenger seat driving somewhere and drinking modelos that had gotten warm in the car throughout the night - i was drinking and drinking and when i woke up my guts had felt nuts and i had wanted to puke but then low and behold i got some song stuck in my head and i forgot all about it, but while i had been drinking those warm modelos i had gotten that nurse from the phantom of liberty - which to be sure i hadn't seen in years - stuck in my head, i started thinking about her caught out in the rain and i couldn't remember if she'd been driving a car or riding a bike but i guess when i was drinking those modelos, that nurse was on a bike and she was lost in the rain and i was playing cards with myself and tapping little riddims on an old oak table and i was feeling good and just old enough to realize that life goes on, to see myself as some future me sitting drunk at some late night mass and missing myself more than ever... i was sitting in the hollywood hawaiian hotel, i was listening to the air conditioner hum... it went "mmm oooh ahhhhh ooo"...
