DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO WAS NEVER PUNK OR DOESN'T LIKE BOB DYLAN. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO HAS NEVER DONE DRUGS. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO TALKS LOUDLY ABOUT THEMSELVES IN PUBLIC. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO TALKS ABOUT A BAND THAT THEY'RE FRIENDS WITH. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WITH A TWITTER. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO WATCHES REALITY TELEVISION. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO OWNS ANY AMERICAN APPAREL. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO LISTENS TO TALK RADIO. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO LIKED THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY THAT ISN'T DOWN WITH THE GAYS. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO RIDES A FIXIE. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY THAT DOESN'T WEAR SHORTS (DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO'S TRYING TOO HARD). DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T LIKE THE SIMPSONS. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WITH A MOUSTACHE (THIS IS A REALLY FUCKING SERIOUS ONE). DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO'S FRIENDS ARE ASSHOLES. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO WAITS IN LINE TO GET INTO SOMEWHERE TO DRINK AND DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO HANGS OUT IN CROWDED FAUX-DIVES. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T LIKE STAR WARS OR BASEBALL. DID I MENTION PUNK MUSIC? COME ON, SERIOUSLY! DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T OWN PENIS ENVY OR THE FIRST SUICIDE RECORD. THIS IS ALL SIMPLE SHIT THAT WE ALL NEED TO BE A LITTLE MORE CAREFUL ABOUT. YOU BASICALLY CAN'T TRUST ANYBODY ANYMORE SO CHOOSE YR TEAM WISELY...
...HAVING SAID THAT, IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON.
